shadow_ronin (shadow_ronin) wrote in divine_sanctum,

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Drunkin Stupor

So I'm sitting on my computer. Feeling the affects of alchohol...and I don't even know if that's the right fuckin spelling for that word. I'm drinkin shit I don't even know how to spell, wtf is with that huh?...

Anywho. I'm sittin here, on my computer, cuz I don't have shit else to do. And I've been drinking some...I've had...a half a fifth of Mad Dog, and some other shit in a Mt. Dew 2 liter that I don't even know what it is. My neighbor Allen just said "here drink this" so what did I do? I downed it. Why? Cuz I just dont' give a fuck...

Currently I am listening to I'm Shady by Eminem, so I'm gonna change the song right quick, and then see where that song takes me into this little entry. And yes, it's sad when you can sit here, and be a bit innebriated and still fuckin type with the excellence of Gods...heh..

So now I changed the song to As The World Turns by who? Oh gee..Eminem...lmao..Yeah he's my favorite musical artist, and if ya dont' like it, suck my fuckin cock. That's all I got to say about that..

Ok, I'm not feelin the vibe from this song, it's too old school eminem. Gonna change it again.

Oh now we got a song here. Words Are Weapons by who? Eminem.(yeah, fuck you again)

But honestly think about this. You could beat someone to a pulp. Beat them until their eyes are bleeding, they have no nose, or teeth. Arms broken, leg's broken. But what does that do for you? NOTHING, except for the thrill of the fight. What's more dangerous? WORDS. Why? Because let's get an example here.

Ok if I were to say to someone, whom looked up to me, and loved me with all their heart. And said something derogatory, or something to put them down. They would be affected way worse than anything I could ever do with my fists right? That's why words are weapons. Because they can do more damage than any physical action in the world..heh.

Ok so now I'm listening to Linkin Park - Numb. And ya know. You sit back and think about this song. And what does it say to you? "I'm tired of being what you want me to be." Who's that speakin to? More often than not, people will put this song to whom? Someone who dissapproves of what you're doing right? But who usually dissapproves of you? Parents? Family members? People you love?

Yeah well, any way you slice it. In life you can dissapoint many people. From your parents for not being exactly what they wanted you to be. To some bum off the street who asks for money, and you decline. They become dissappointed because you dont' wanna give them the money to go buy the crack they want to smoke...Prime example

When I was living in florida. I was on my way to work at a restaurant called Dave's Last Resort. And as I left my apartment on my way to work. Some dude wanted to sell me some cigarettes so that he could get money to eat. I told him to keep the smokes, and I would get him a meal off my discount. I said I'd even buy him the meal. And he turned it down, and gave me a scornfull look. Why? not because he wanted food. But because he wanted drug money. Which is exactly why I wouldn't give him money. more of this may be a long passage. Because my girlfriend is practically ignoring me, cuz she's Rping with a bitch I can't exactly tolerate.

-goes to switch the song-

Ok now onto Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park. Where do I belong? where do you belong? Do we really know where we belong? or are we just here to be apart of all the fucked up shit that goes on throughout life? That's what I'm beginning to think...or maybe I'm not making any sense. But ok.

Ok here we go. A song that actually means something deep to me. Papercut by Linkin Park.

If you listen to the, I'll give them to you...

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
or how the pressure was fed but
I know what it feels like
to have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(and watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
that the face inside is hearing me right underneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop but I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everyone acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can
but everyone has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches everytime they lie
A face that laughs everytime they fall
(and watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too right inside your skin

(chrous 2x)

Face inside is right beneath you skin 3x

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me(2x)

It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back,
It's like a worldwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within (3x)
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin.

This is my life in a way. Always fighting with myself. It seems to me, that when people say.."You're your own worst enemy" that takes on a whole new level with me. I am my own worst enemy, because in my mind I am combative to no end. Always thinking about what the right decision is. I've gotten pissed off. So I will have to end this little entry. Until next time.
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